Living Alone Lesson 4: Screaming will not kill cockroaches.
Hate is a pretty strong word. I know I over-use it and don't really mean it sometimes when I say it. Honestly, I feel privileged to say that there are only a few things in life that I truly hate.
Growing up in South Florida exposed me to the nastyness of palmetto bugs. Just thinking about them makes my skin crawl. There wasn't much you could do to prevent them from crawling into the garage or house in the hot, humid weather! Luckily I could just scream or run away and someone else would have to deal with it.
Spring break in high school, I was in Texas with the besties. We were having a great "before bed" conversation when I quickly jumped out of bed to run to the bathroom. I flipped on the light, did my thing, then turned around to flush the toiled...AND SCREAMED! A huge palmetto the size of my middle finger went scurrying across the back of the toilet into the vanity. I woke up the whole house: parents, brothers, friends, everyone. When they came to the rescue there was no mysterious bug to be found. I am positive it is hiding in the wood. To this day, they all probably think I was on hallucinogenics.
College came around and I was supposed to mature. There was a small, more private weight room in the basement of one of the old, dingy dorms near mine. It was beyond disgusting, smelled like feces, and the roof leaked in more than seven places. I am still shocked that I used it, but it was closer than the trek across campus in the -40 degree weather during the winter. I usually felt pretty safe around one of my good buddies and would venture to go lift over there with him as I was confident he had my back if a creeper ever decided to get me while lifting. Pretty sure it was a Sunday afternoon when my perception of this brave soul drastically changed. As soon as we entered the hell hole of a room, I recognized these HUGE, nasty antenna and immediately freaked out! (Well, I thought it was a freak out until I witnessed Ben's reaction.) He legit was in the corner screeching like a girl telling me "to do something about it." After I realized that the two of us combined yelled louder than a school yard full of children and that I would have to be the bigger person in the situation, I started chucking 25 lb. plate weights across the room. I creatively trapped the nasty cockroach, then smashed it with a mound of six weights. They sat there for the rest of the school year and I never, EVER, will go back to check on it.
After over twenty years of my life, Jeanie can finally say she witnessed me screaming like a girl. I turned on the toaster oven for her one night and after about three minutes of it heating up, I opened it to put her bread in. Never thought I'd ever see a cockroach run from a heated toaster over, but it happened, literally, right before my eyes. I jumped to the ceiling and let out the highest pitched yell of my life. For sure thought the bug was going to crawl on my face. Just one of those things I never expected to find toasting bread, but was glad to have someone close by to take care of the bug for me!
Yesterday I was in the bathroom and saw a big, black mark on the wall behind me. At first, I was trying to figure out what dinner guest made a scuff that high up on the wall and how I would come up with a story for the house owner upon arrival. Quickly I noticed the trademark, long antenna and realized it was no mark at all. I could yell and scream all night, but that bug was not going to magically disappear and the neighbors were probably contemplating calling the police. I gathered myself together, did a little pump up speech and ran to grab the vacuum. I closed my mouth really tight, turned on the high powered thing and sucked him up super fast with one eye closed. I heard the crunch and left the machine on for a few more minutes just to make sure he was drowning in the sea of hair already trapped in the vacuum. I felt a huge sense of accomplishment.
Hawaiian Chicken
3 chicken breasts
4 cups pineapple tidbits with juice
1/4 cup brown sugar
splash of olive oil
1 cup brown rice
1 cup white rice
2 cups water
I surgically cleaned and chopped the chicken into about 1 inch pieces and added the pineapple pieces, juice and sugar to the crock pot. After about one hour or so I added a splash of oil to prevent it from sticking together. I let it cook on high for about 3 hours total and it was moist and tender!
With about 20 minutes remaining on the chicken, I cheated and used the rice cooker for the rice. Half-white, half-brown rice and it was ready in just a few minutes!
I don't hate pineapple, or chicken, or people that kill bugs for me. I can handle fruit flies and spiders, but Lord bless me when a nasty cockroach (or any closely related relative of his) enters my home. I like to think I am making baby steps in the right direction.
